Loneliness is a deeply personal and often painful feeling, and it's far more common than you might think, especially among young adults. Official surveys from the Office for National Statistics consistently find that people aged 16 to 29 report feeling lonely more often than older age groups. This article explores what loneliness can feel like, why it's so prevalent among younger people, and the practical steps you can take to build connections and find support.
What does loneliness actually feel like?
It’s easy to assume loneliness simply means being physically alone, but it’s more complex than that. You can be in a crowded room, a busy hospital ward, or at a party and still feel profoundly lonely. At its heart, loneliness is the gap between the social connections you want and the ones you have. It’s a subjective feeling of being disconnected, misunderstood, or left out.
This can manifest in different ways, including:
- A sense of emptiness or being on the outside looking in.
- Feeling like you have no one to talk to who truly understands you.
- A deep craving for more meaningful social contact and companionship.
- Believing that your relationships aren't as close or supportive as you'd like them to be.
It’s important to distinguish this from solitude. Choosing to spend time alone to recharge, relax, or focus on a hobby can be a positive and healthy experience. Loneliness, however, is an unwelcome feeling of isolation that can leave you feeling sad and empty, regardless of how many people are around you.
Why are young adults more likely to feel lonely?
The late teens and twenties are a period of immense change, which can create the perfect storm for feelings of isolation. While it might seem like everyone else is having the time of their lives, many people are privately navigating these challenges.
One of the biggest triggers is major life transitions. Moving to a new town for university or a job in the NHS, for example, uproots you from your established support network. While you might be focused on the practicalities of the move – managing job offers with a tool like an NHS application tracker, finding a place to live, and learning the ropes in a new role – the social side of things can easily get left behind.
Other common factors include:
- Changing friendships: School and university friendship groups often drift apart as people start new jobs, enter relationships, and move to different locations. It takes effort to maintain these bonds, and sometimes new ones can be slow to form.
- Social media pressure: Scrolling through curated feeds of parties, holidays, and happy couples can create an illusion that everyone else is constantly surrounded by friends. This comparison can amplify feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
- Work patterns: For many NHS staff, shift work, long hours, and antisocial schedules make it incredibly difficult to maintain a social life. When your friends work Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, finding time to connect can feel almost impossible.
- Financial constraints: The rising cost of living means that going out, joining clubs, or travelling to see friends can be expensive. Financial worries can force you to turn down social invitations, leading to further isolation.
- Identity and self-esteem: This is a time of figuring out who you are and where you fit in. Low self-confidence can make it daunting to put yourself out there and meet new people, creating a cycle that's hard to break.
Recognising the signs of loneliness
Sometimes, loneliness can creep up on you slowly, making it hard to identify. Paying attention to your feelings and behaviours is the first step towards addressing it. Likewise, being aware of the signs in colleagues can help you offer a kind word or a listening ear.
Signs in yourself
You might be experiencing loneliness if you frequently:
- Feel a persistent sense of sadness or emptiness that you can’t shake.
- Have low self-worth or feel like you’re a burden to others.
- Find it hard to connect with people on a deeper level, even when you're in a conversation.
- Spend hours scrolling through social media but end up feeling more disconnected.
- Experience changes in your sleep, appetite, or general motivation.
- Feel exhausted by the effort of trying to socialise.
Signs in a colleague or friend
It’s impossible to know for sure what someone else is feeling, but you might notice a friend or colleague who seems lonely is:
- Withdrawing from team social events they used to enjoy.
- Becoming noticeably quieter or more reserved in conversations.
- Often talking about having no plans for their days off or the weekend.
- Seeming more irritable, negative, or cynical than usual.
If you spot these signs in someone, a simple, “How are you doing?” or an invitation for a coffee can make a world of difference. You don't need to solve their problems; just showing you care is a powerful act of connection.
A day in the life: a scenario
Let’s think about Chloe, a Band 5 nurse who moved 200 miles for her first job after qualifying. She loves her work and finds her colleagues on the ward friendly enough, but the interactions rarely go beyond handover and patient care. She works a rotating shift pattern, including nights and weekends.
On her days off, she wakes up in her small flat, which she shares with two strangers she found online. They are on different schedules and barely see each other. She scrolls through Instagram and sees her university friends on a weekend trip together. She feels a pang of sadness and puts her phone down. She considers going for a walk but has nowhere to go and no one to go with. The silence in the flat feels huge. By the evening, she feels drained and anxious about her next shift, having spent the entire day without speaking to a single person face-to-face.
Chloe’s experience is not unusual. She is busy, successful, and surrounded by people at work, yet she feels profoundly lonely. Her story highlights how circumstances, rather than any personal failing, can lead to isolation.
Practical steps to manage feelings of loneliness
If Chloe’s story resonates with you, please know that things can change. Building connections takes time and courage, but small, consistent steps can make a huge difference. The goal isn't to suddenly acquire a huge circle of friends, but to nurture a sense of belonging.
- Start small: The pressure to 'make friends' can be overwhelming. Instead, focus on small moments of connection. Make eye contact and smile at people, have a brief chat with the person serving you coffee, or ask a colleague about their weekend. These micro-interactions can help reduce feelings of invisibility.
- Follow your interests: Joining a group based on a hobby is one of the most effective ways to meet like-minded people. The activity itself provides a natural conversation starter, taking the pressure off. Think about a local running club, a pottery class, a choir, or a volunteering group.
- Be the initiator: Don't always wait to be invited. Be the one to suggest a post-shift coffee with a colleague, send a text to an old friend to arrange a video call, or organise a low-key potluck with your flatmates. Many people are in the same boat and will appreciate you making the first move.
- Manage your digital world: If social media is making you feel worse, take control. Unfollow accounts that trigger feelings of comparison and seek out content that aligns with your hobbies and interests. Use platforms to find local events or groups rather than just passively scrolling.
- Talk about it: The simple act of telling someone you trust how you feel can be incredibly powerful. Voicing your feelings of loneliness to a friend, family member, or trusted colleague can lift a huge weight and make you feel less alone in your struggle.
Where to find professional and community support
Sometimes, self-help strategies aren't enough, and that is completely okay. Reaching out for professional support is a sign of strength. The UK has excellent, free services available if you need someone to talk to.
- Your GP: Your doctor is a confidential and non-judgemental starting point. They can listen to what's going on and signpost you to local NHS services and community groups that can help.
- NHS talking therapies: These services offer psychological therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which can help you challenge the negative thought patterns that often accompany loneliness. In England, you can usually self-refer online without needing to see your GP first. Search for 'NHS talking therapies' to find the service in your area.
- Mind: The mental health charity Mind has a wealth of information on its website about loneliness, as well as an Infoline for advice. They also run a network of local Minds across the country, which offer support groups and activities.
- Samaritans: If you are feeling overwhelmed and just need to speak to someone, Samaritans are there to listen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s a free, confidential service. You can call them on 116 123 for any reason at all – you don’t have to be in a crisis.
Key takeaways
- Feeling lonely as a young adult is very common and not a sign of personal failure. It's often driven by life transitions, work patterns, and social pressures.
- Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected, which is different from the positive choice of spending time alone (solitude).
- Small, proactive steps like pursuing a hobby or initiating contact with a friend can gradually build a sense of connection.
- Recognising the signs in yourself or others is the first step towards making a positive change.
- Professional support is available and effective. Don't hesitate to contact your GP, NHS talking therapies, or charities like Mind and Samaritans.